Openness starts here (with info overload)

I guess this may go into either a slight rant or a mass of information overload. I apologise in advance for both if they happen.

What I’m basically trying to say is, I know that sometimes it can be hard to explain why we do certain things at certain times. For me, it’s a lot harder because of the way my mind works. When I was three years old, I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, which means I struggle with social things and sometimes the skills everyone else takes for granted.

Even though I’m nineteen, I’m still getting used to it and trying to find out where my limits are. There are some areas that I can’t get round too easily, like sometimes depending on how packed streets can get with crowds can make me get uncomfortable and freak a little bit, but the more I grow older, the more I seem to be able to get a way round it if I can. My Mum even told me when I was getting the test to find out they gave me a book like Where’s Wally style and I just shut it because of how busy it was!

I found that my development maybe wasn’t as quick as everyone else’s. It took me a bit longer to do things others could, but I found that i had some talents they didn’t. Since I was fourteen I found I was very good at writing and I’ve written so many stories I’ve lost count, original fiction and fan fiction and song lyrics. I’ve found that I can use words to express myself because so many times when I’ve had to rely on just speech to tell people how I feel or what i’m struggling with, I find that I can write down what I mean to let people know.

The difficulty is, sometimes people want to understand, but there’s a little hitch for every case. Being diagnosed with Autism means you’re somewhere on the Autistic Spectrum. This is where a variety of disabilities are placed from Autism to Asperger Syndrome to Dyslexia to even Down Syndrome. We’re all on there in different places. A lot of people just expect everyone with the same Autism to be in the same place on the spectrum. They’d sadly be wrong. We all have our own problems and our own strengths, meaning we could be anywhere on the spectrum.

So hopefully when I get to tell people I am Autistic, they can understand to try and keep me calm when I’m freaking out over the smallest things. Sometimes we have obsessions we can’t break, like routine, but we also have topics we can have a massive knowledge on. For me, the list feels almost endless. Hopefully what I do know about, I can use to help other people. I’ve been told I can be quite knowledgeable and I can be a bit surprised by it. The great thing is I quite like researching into historical figures, like I did for a university project I looked into the War of the Roses and the main people involved in that. I love how hooked I can get on subjects, but a lot of the time it can actually be my downfall.

I hope that anyone reading this who can connect with this post can help you to maybe understand or feel confident to tell people you’ve not told you’re Autistic because you may be terrified of what they might say, but trust me, it’s better to tell people. It doesn’t matter really what you are coming out what you have or what you are. You should be confident with the way you are because we are all beautiful in our own way, even though you don’t believe it. I still struggle to see it sometimes, but I have great friends to rely on, which I can be sure you do too if you give them a chance.


Abbie Allen


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